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Dating After a Failed Marriage – Relationship Advice By Joshua Goh   |
You were happily married. May be for a while. And you split. It can be imagined irrespective of the length of a marriage, a divorce does leave immovable scars. And the mere thought of seeing someone again can be dissuading. Love is all about being vulnerable to someone – why go through it again? Ironic and incredible as it may sound, but you will date again. All relationships need not turn sour, so in spite of all the mental blocks you may have, you will open up to someone again.And what makes you walk the same steps again? Simply because time heals. Heals to a large extent. And after the passage of some time, you will want to take control of your life once again. And how are you going to go about it? By following these five simple steps. These steps help you appreciate your mistakes, so that they are not repeated. And helps you make those critical decisions – of what you want and from who. So that you are fully geared to start a brand “new” life all over again.

1. Pen it down — By now you have more or less a fair idea in your mind of what your expectations are from your partner.

But actually jotting them down gives it another perspective. You are then faced with some nagging questions which you have to clear and answer yourself. Get an opportunity to clear any doubts you could be harboring for a long time. Secondly, you are entering into a commitment with yourself, when you write down the list of “loves” and “hates”. It stares at you right on your face. No escape.

2. To Err is Human—To err is human – to forgive divine. If we did not commit mistakes, we have not done the job! Problem happens when we go on repeating the same mistake over and over again. To ensure that you stay clear of this problem, is to avoid dating the same types of persons who brought you grief, in the first place. Just look the whole situation more pragmatically, like a matured adult. As the saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!

3. More the Merrier — More the merrier. But make sure you are not in the dating game to be in a comfort zone. Its nice and easy to jump into another relationship but be absolutely sure as to your own motives. Dating more than one person has its own unique benefits. Your exposure to the large variety improves your own expertise and experience. You get to meet different personalities resulting in your increasing ability to find out what makes you tick in a relationship. All this before you again make a final decision.

4. Learn to Let Go and Be Open - In other words, open up. Undoubtedly, this is one of the most difficult steps, especially if you have suffered serious mental injuries. But unless you develop trust again, how will you survive and retain another healthy relationship ? Of course no one is asking you to dole out trust as if from a vending machine. Steps 1 – 3 are hence, specifically designed to put you and your mind in a stronger position to take a chance. Remember, opportunity knocks only once, while temptation leans on the doorbell. Take a risk, but a calculated risk with someone who deserves your trust and affection.

5. Recognise a gem when you see one — Recognise a good thing when you see one. Its easier said than done, but with an open mind and being prepared to be vulnerable once again, lets you see this. First you have to stop being critical about the person you are meeting – everyone need not remind you of the bad incidents of your life. Believe that this world is still ticking because of some genuinely good people who are around spreading goodness and honesty. Who can make you feel good again. Believe me, they are rare and far in between, but they exist.

So GET INTO THE COURT & start the game, LOVE ALL!

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